#Hallelujah

I don't often share things on social media.

I look at it though.

I LOVE looking at pictures of people's lives.

I laugh and show Preston funny cat memes.

I eat up articles about #fixerupper.

I think I have seen every single #studioc sketch.

Heck, I even made a March Madness bracket this year with Pres.

I also keep in touch with the "world's status".

I sometimes hit up #hony to read people's stories and get in touch with the feels.

I read and watch news articles, or hear it from Preston - an avid current event-er.

I sometimes read the open letters from so-and-so to whomever.

I shed tears over articles that break my heart, especially ones involved with sexual abuse or angel babies.

I watch presidential debates and read (with some eye-rolling) political articles.

(The only thing I don't do is scroll down to comments on articles, videos, etc. Too much, too much.)

I do enough to stay in touch.

But sometimes my heart hurts too much.

It's like I have a magical power that lets my imagination take me and put me right in the shoes of the persons involved - 

the husband of the wife with cancer, the rape victim, the woman struggling with depression, the child of the police officer who was killed, the mom of a beautiful angel baby, the torn family fleeing their home

- feeling what they feel and crying with their cries.

Oh wait...I do.

It's called empathy.*

When I get too sad or too sick over the world, I used to just close the article and swallow myself up in an aforementioned cat meme or pictures of a pretty house.

And then I would feel guilty for running away from the real world and trying to find happiness in frivolity.

So one day, I sat down and tried to figure out what I could do to stop that sad feeling.

I want to be informed. I want to feel.

I don't want to run from the world or hide or cover up my feelings.

I want to embrace the fact that I can feel those feelings and experience that beautiful, sorrowful, and sometimes painful part of life.

But I don't like to be overwhelmed with sadness from an outside source.

And so I sat and thought.

And I sat and prayed.

And this is the overwhelming answer I got.

That is why there is an Atonement.

The Atonement isn't just to be talked about on Easter Sunday (which is soon, btw).

The Atonement isn't just for when you did something wrong.

The Atonement

embraces,

encompasses,

soothes

all those with a broken heart.

It is for the husband of the wife with cancer, 

the rape victim, 

the woman struggling with depression, 

the child of the police officer who was killed, 

the mom of a beautiful angel baby, 

the torn family fleeing their home.

It is even for the silly 25 year old girl who weeps when she reads Facebook articles while her baby sleeps.

This life is full of sadness, pain, heartache, trial, anger, frustration, and seeming injustice,

And, I hate to break it to you, but the next president isn't going to fix that.

But I know One who can.

Not because He will make all that go away.

But because He helps you through it.

Isn't that beautiful?

It is okay to feel. It is okay to feel all those sad things.

Embrace them even!

But don't wrap them up in your heart. Don't hold on to them. 

Embraces are hugs - 

you hold them for a second, a minute, sometimes even a few minutes.

But you always let go.

They will still be there. Maybe even right next to you.

But you don't have to hold onto them forever.

And let me tell you a not-so-secret.

The best way, and sometimes only way, to let them go is to let the Savior take them.

He will take them for you.

That's how much He loves you.

It doesn't matter what your sad thing is,

He will take it for you.

If you are willing to let go.

And let me tell you the best part.

After you let Him take it,

the Savior of all mankind 

will then wrap you in His loving arms.

Soothing, comforting, and bringing peace.

Sometimes we have to give Jackson medicine when he is sick.

To say he dislikes it would be a vast understatement.

Every time, after we give it to him, I wrap him in my arms and just hold him.

And he stops crying.

I like to think that is what the Savior's embrace is like.

Anyway.

Those things will still be there.

But so will the Savior.

You didn't run away.

You stayed and you faced them, but with the Savior by your side.

Holding you up.

And helping you feel.

Because it is okay to feel.

I love feeling.

He is real. I know He is.

#Hallelujah for that.

*Yes, I said empathy. No, I have never had those experiences. Yes, for that moment, I have felt the feelings of what they are feeling. No, that doesn't diminish their feelings at all. Compared to their sorrow, it is fleeting. It does not match the magnitude of their experiences. But, in that moment, it is very real. 

(Thank you to Tom Barker for opening up my eyes to the compassion hierarchy.)

Pity

Sympathy

Empathy

Compassion

Look it up.

#happynewyear

haaaaaaappy new year, errybody!

Typical of our screen-dependent generation, our Christmas/New Year card is a blog edition this year. Procrastination reasons, mainly. 

#mybad

But hey! Better electronically late than never. Here it is.
PMR. 2014.

Mallory and Preston (they are best friends forever),
had a 2014 year to always remember.
It will go in the books as "The Year of Boise",
because...well, that's what it was, you see.

It was a delightful, wonderful, busy year,
full of laughter and smiles and more than one tear.
They both started jobs, big-kid-style,
and went on adventures and had a child.
(jokes, jokes.)

Preston started the year with his new job downtown.
He wins the Hardest Worker Ever Award...hands down.
He shows up before 6am to his job at Clearwater,
working accounting software magic better than Potter.

But no rest for the weary, not for this cute guy!
For after he comes home, he gets to apply!
Apply to The Great World of Law School, that is,
For you see, a JD/MPA is a big dream of his.

After all those things are done and through,
and he gets to rest for a moment or two,
Preston plays in city leagues (basketball, football...softball?) or fixes a car,
cheers for Cougars, watches movies, and listens to NPR.

Mallory, now, is a real-life teacher.
(Good luck ever trying to reach her.)
She spends her days with her 5th grade munchkins,
(except...they are big. like...bigger than me. i'm the munchkin?)
Teaching and praying and picking up lunch bins.

She has learned a lot about sacrifice and love,
and Pokemon and Minecraft...sort of.
But seriously, no really, she has grown so much,
as she prays to help these lives she can touch.

It is hard and rewarding, demanding and satisfying,
But all she can say is she really is trying.
And while she is trying, the Lord is her Rock.
He strengthens her daily through this Life Walk.

Through it all, the thick and the thin,
PMR are the happiest they've ever been.
Mainly because...well, they have each other,
(This is the part you can say, "oh brother.")

They are oh-so-in-love, and they have an awesome ward,
They are close to family and are never bored.
They have traveled afar and they have traveled a-close.
But being together is what matters most.

They wish each of you a happy new year,
full of laughter and smiles and a cup of good cheer.
But if those things don't happen and it doesn't work out,
they wish you some faith that is stronger than doubt.

They wish you the love of their Savior dear,
who lived His life for everyone here.
He knows you and loves you and atoned for you too,
That you might be able to see this life through,

So when things get hard and things get tough,
They wish you the best gift they can think of.
And that is the gift of the Atonement true.
That is given for me and is given for you.

#heisthegift

don't just read blogs, write them.

Once again, it comes to this.

Blogging repentance.

I have never been good at blogging. Let's be real. Just take a little look at my past record of blogging.

Pitiful.

Slightly Humorous.

(P.S. I re-read my past posts, and I found an unsightly error. There is a post from Fiji that ends in "Mothe!" Ummm...it actually should be "Moce!". The -c- is just pronounced with a -th- sound. ERKWARD. Let's just pretend that didn't happen.)

Anyway, it is time for re-resolutions. This re-resolution comes after much thought, pondering, and prayer. 

And it starts a little over a month ago when I deleted my Facebook account. 

Deleting my Facebook wasn't a whimsical, in-the-moment decision. I contemplated, denied, accepted, pondered, and resolved before actually going through with it. I don't really feel like I need to explain why I did it; I think you have all felt the same thing I was feeling. Tired of the mindless wandering through newsfeeds and friends, tired of the posts that I didn't want to see, tired of the re-postings and re-re-postings of articles, tired of the rants that I didn't really want to read, tired of the rude comments, tired of feeling creepy because you know everything about that one girl from high school.

I was just tired of it.

I tried deleting friends, I really did. 

You know how lots of people delete friends they don't really know anymore, so they don't see posts that they don't really want to see?

I gave it a good shot. I deleted over 300 peeps.

But I still have almost 900 friends.

Not because I am, like, so popular. 

Not because I initiate adding friends.

But because I was born in 1991.

During my high school years, Facebook was AWESOME. Seriously. You added anyone who added you, you posted tons of pictures, you loved looking through everyone's pictures, you liked everything, you actually wrote comments that were meaningful, you posted on people's walls, you got comments from people more than just your closest peeps or your far out friends. 

You didn't have Twitter.

You didn't have Instragram.

You didn't have Mine-whatever, Candy Crush Something, or Angry/Flappy/Happy Birds.

Heck, you didn't even have texting.

You only had Facebook.

Thus, 5-7 years later, I still have a million friends. And guess what? I still like the people I deleted. (If I knew them...) I JUST AM TIRED OF BEING CREEPY BECAUSE I KNOW THINGS ABOUT PEOPLE I NEVER SEE ANYMORE.

I would just rather ask them about their lives in person. That's all.

And you know what? There are a lot of other, more important things to think about than what that one kid from middle school had for breakfast and what he thought about the last political movement.

Like, for instance, how to love that one kid in your class or how to make someone's day.

I'm not saying Facebook is bad. I actually still really like Facebook. I like keeping in touch with people. I like liking pictures. I like seeing posts. I like uplifting video posts. 

I just felt it wearing on my spirit.

And so I deleted it.

And, thus, by disconnecting myself, I actually connected myself. I connected myself to reality. I connected myself to the people I love. I connected myself to productivity. 

I connected myself to my OWN thoughts and my OWN opinions and my OWN feelings, instead of being blasted with a post or re-post about someone else's. I connected myself to spiritual sensitivity. I connected myself to BOOKS! I connected myself to hobbies.

Dude! I am so CONNECTED! 

I sure feel connected. 

 Do I sometimes wish I could go on Facebook for quick peek? Sure.

Did I check Preston's Facebook when James and Michelle posted pictures from their engagement? Sure.

Is my Facebook gone forever? Nope.

It is just gone until my spirit tells me it's okay. It's gone until I have solidified my new commitments. It's gone until I figure out my goals and my life. It's gone permanently temporarily. And I love it.

I have thought a lot about social media in this little decision; it isn't bad. It can just be misused, like so many things of this world. In my pondering, I have made some statements that express my feelings about social media consumption:

Don't just read blogs, write them.

Don't judge someone's virtual self, love their real self.

There are just two of them so far. But I think they are kind of catchy. 

And I figured I better start with my hypocritical self.

So. Here is MY OWN blog post. About my own social media consumption.

Will anyone read this post?

I have no idea. But guess what? When you disconnect yourself from some things, like social media obsession, you connect yourself with other things, like your own opinions.

And you don't really care what anyone else thinks or if they read your blog post.

remember that one time...

so. remember that one time when I used to blog?

oh wait. it only lasted two months and five posts.

so, 16 glorious months later...not much has changed.

except:

I changed my major.

I lived in a log cabin.

I got a new job.

I married my best friend.

I got Call Me Maybe as my ringtone.

not too shabby.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...I might attempt blogging again. I think it might be fun.

I mean, it's no-shave november.

what better time to make a new month resolution?

Holy smokes! Time sure flies!

Sorry it has taken so long to get a new post up, but...I've just been living Fiji time! aka...whenever it happens, it happens...

Right now I am looking out a window of a cafe at Jack's, a bus stand, a hot bread shop, and a BSP atm...typical Fiji town.  Except I'm in Suva! (Suva is the capital of Fiji and about 6 hours via bus from our homebase of Ba.  It is the biggest city by far...it's almost like America.)  Anyway, that is the reason I am able to blog...I have fast internet!

What am I doing in Suva?  Well, a little group of us came for the weekend to go to the temple and now I am staying an extra weekish to work on stuff in Deaf schools!  I went to the Hilton School for the Deaf today and hung out in the classroom with 2 boys and the teacher and learned and learned.  At the Hilton school, they teach more of a Signed English approach so it definitely different from what I am used to but I'm trying to pick it up.

Projects:  We have a ton of projects going on but some of my favorites to work on:
1. PRISM - This is a health screening program where we go out to villages and communities and help the nurses and Dr. Animesh.  The nurses are my favorite to talk to - they are like my grandmothers.  Dr. Animesh and the team from America are way rad too...they give up their time to come help the people of Fiji and they are all so awesome!  It is also a real inside look at the village life.
2. Ministry of Health - Basically...I love playing with kids. And with the Ministry (of Magic), we go to the schools and teach or give them pills and stuff.  ALL THE KIDS HERE ARE ADORABLE.  I am seriously considering taking them all home to me.  Last Friday we did school gardens in a couple schools and it was sooo fun!  At Tagore Memorial, I got a free concert by about 25 kids singing "baby" and "never say never" by Justin Bieber. Greatest thing I have ever heard in my life.  They knew every single word.  They put Provo apartment dance parties to shame.  :)
3. Darcee and I are starting a fitness/nutrition class project...we have our lesson plans outline and they start next week! 
4. Zac and I are researching for a BYU social venture called 2 foot prosthetics to see if we can set up a prosthetics clinic! It is really a need because there are so many amputees from diabetes and the only place for prosthetics is in Suva and it cost $800...which no has.
5. Zac and I are also working with a counseling service called Lifeline...a couple weeks ago we went to a youth rally in a village in the interior (aka middle of the island...aka wayyy awesome and green and in the mountains and remote) with Tima to do an outreach...we met lots and lots of awesome people and they sang beautiful songs and drank kava for 6 hours...haha. we didn't partake in that little party. :)

anyway, i have less than 5 minutes left...more to come later!

BULA!

Basically...I love Fiji.

Here goes a little description of my adventures thus far...
THE PLANE RIDE WAS LONG.  I left Boise at 5:40, flew to SLC and met my friend Alyssa, flew to LAX, waited in lines, found the International section of the airport, waited in more lines, got to our gate, waited in line, and then sat in an airplane seat for the best 11 hours of my life.  Luckily, we were running away from the sun so it was dark the whole ride and we could sleep...very comfortably. :)  I sat next to a very nice Indian couple native to Fiji who were going back for a wedding and they had all sorts of tips for me. (Side note: About 40% of Fiji's population is Indian so we get to learn 2 cultures! Namaste, aunty.)

Anyway, we got to Fiji Saturday morning at 6:30 (Side note: Fiji is 16 hours ahead so just think 1 day ahead and subtract 6 hours) and it was probably the longest day of my life. :) We were exhausted from the night flight, and we just jumped into Fiji life...Okay so I'm running out of my Internet time so I will just summarize...

Reasons why I love Fiji:
1. The buses.  They are my favorite!  Most are open air with no windows so you get an awesome breeze and you get to stick your head out and look at everything!  Fiji is gorgeous...the green mountains, sky, palm trees...we aren't close to a beach but who needs it? :)  Plus, you get to wave to all the people who live right off the road!  Or you can talk to the people you are sitting next to and learn all about their life or new Fijian/Hindi words.
2. The first couple of days we did some mapping out of the towns we will be frequenting and then we started working in villages and going to the NGO's we are working with.  And guess what?? At one of the NGO's, Friend Fiji, they have some deaf people working there!  They are teaching me Fijian Sign Language and hopefully I will be able to contact the school the girls went to and help out there!  So far I only know the alphabet and the basics, but they are good teachers!  (Side note: In FSL, the sign for "what" is the ASL sign for "where" and the FSL sign for "where" is the ASL sign for "what") Also, this deaf lady at the market randomly found me and knew that I knew ASL and gave me her information...I'm still trying to figure out how she knew I signed.
3. All of the volunteers are very good friends now...especially since all 20 of us live in a house a little bigger than a Liberty Square apartment...haha.  But seriously, we are having a blast!  We like to come home and just chill and talk and play games...Stefka and Zac kill me at California Speed.
4. I can buy 3 pineapple for $1.
5. I learned how to handwash my clothes.
6. On our day off today, Kevin and I went to the beach! Not really a white sandy one, but a beach complete with a sweet mangrove river we explored nonetheless!

Anywayyy...I love it!  Also, we don't have a PO Box yet, so if you want to contact me, email me!

Mothe!

HELP International

HELP International...it's changing lives.
(if you can't see the video...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7Tr9HuCHVg)